so heres the scoop on my life so far..
Oct 28, 2009
Posted by JAYFENDii at 8:10 AM
Oct 10, 2009
i've been writing for a minute now & it never seems like i could ever run out of the things to write about. i've been feeling for a minute now & it never seems like i could ever run out feelings & emotions to hurt from. i've been thinking & it never seems like i could ever run out of thoughts. i've been pumping this blood through my veins for a minute now & it never seems like i could ever run out of this blood that runs through my veins no matter how many times i've bled. i've been making mistakes for a minute now & it never seems like there won't ever be another one made. so this time, let's pretend the world is my mother and i have fallen. please, please just let me bleed my words, feelings, thoughts, & mistakes so i can heel on my own & on my own time.
where do i start? the beginning or the end? it all never makes sense no matter what point you start from. i just know i want it out and off of my chest. there are so many things that go on in my world, my life, that no one knows about. you know they say the best secrets are kept in books. you put a book down & the only way to know what's going on in the world of those pages are by picking it up and reading it. yet, no one ever has the "time" or "patience" to do so. this is my book. these are my secrets.
i've been in love & i think im almost sure its hurting to admit this. at the moment i have tears washing the skin on my face. for something to hurt it sure is cleansing. it feels good and hurts at the same time. idk what to think honestly, im soo lost right now. anyhow i would consider myself a strong minded person when it comes to falling for a person and opening up and letting them in my world. a lot of people can claim they know me but it's only one who can really say he knows me & can tell me anything and i can & will believe it. for some reason im continuously thinking of this person and seeing from a distance what goes on in his world from a distance.. what to do about this but try and forget and let go.. but how when there's no one who i feel can make me feel the happiness he gives to me. it's a gift almost when im around him.. it's like the morning the snow first falls and a childs first snow angel. it's special. it's rare. it's once in a life time for me. love isn't promised to no one but when it comes hold on to it for dear life. im such a rock its crazy i can't break down for or over no one i can't feel for no one but myself but when the tears wash his face like they do mine it's almost as if they do for me too. idk if that makes any sense but thats the best way i can explain it. im doing my best to let go and move on but its hard when you've never had or is rare to have. does anyone else understand..
just let me fall
just let me bleed
just let me learn.
Sep 29, 2009
so it's been a good minute.. actually, it's been about a week and a half since i've been at school.
WAIT! don't jump on my neck just yet. i was missing school to get money to pay my bills..
power was off.. but we're back on top :) new couch microwave George Foreman grill trash can etc...
anyhow, so today i had an interview with abercombie & fitch!
that was exciting! lol. hopefully i get the post i applied for.
later on today i will go back and apply for another position just to be on the safe side.
so i have anywhere from a week to two weeks before finding out if i am hired for the position.
well its been just about 60+ plus days and i haven't heard from the guy that left my house (from this day) 60+ days ago to find himself in an orange, gray, blue, or white uniform.. ugghh im going to be as patient as i can... i mean they do say those who wait get more than what they expected.
LMFAO ok they don't say that exactly but i did so yeah lol ..
anyhow .. im off to bed.. turning it in kind of early tonight (2:07am) im going to school tomorrow!
Sep 22, 2009
so todays my bday..
im officially 20..
no more of being in the teen years..
and still i have yet to really figure out just what it is i want to do.
my choices are: strokers (strip klub in atl) house night klub (in atl)
or join some ppl as they surprise me with whatever they have in store..
oh and remember i expected to be "wifed" up by now..
however, i am not.. still :( sad right? i know..
anyhow.. the day was ruff..
sadly, i had to "go there" with someone from my school whom i was helping out
on top of that.. as i said earlier, it's my bday and i have NOTHING to do..
the guy im oh so in like with is in jail (sucky) and he cant have any visitation..
nor can he make calls out.. :( what a birthday right...
so im on the Internet, as usual, and i see someone has posted on their status (fb)
that lil boosie is locked up (or turning himself in) for charges of a gun and possession of marijuana
and with good behavior he can get out with only serving a year though he was sentenced 2.
oh other news... my KHLOE (KHLO$) IS GETING MARRIED!!!
the wedding will be held at a closed location (I KNOW WHERE). . .
anyhow.. moving on to a new story...
how was everyone else day.. ?
today the weather was perfect
yesterday it was hurricane Katrina
and today it was perfect wth?!!!
ga weather is wakk..
oh went to this restaurant yesterday and filled out an application
hopefully they hire me.. the guy said he would give me a call back but i know
with restaurants you have to keep calling to let them know you want the job
so thats what i will be doing and thats what i did today.. wellll i called only twice
but that was between the slow hours so the guy told me that he would give me a call tomorrow
and if he didnt for me to call him.. bests believe i will.. :)
uhhgg feel like im talking to much..
this ends this post.. :)
HAPPY BDAY ME !!! IM 20!
Sep 20, 2009
im ending my rainy night with this post.
i seem to be restless at the moment.
so when i close the l.top screen, i'll just lay here until my dreams are 3d.
i cant seem to get this guy off of my mind its like my every thought is him.
me wondering what hes wondering what im wondering and so on..
listening to keyshia cole - you complete me.
Sep 19, 2009
at the moment i am listening to anthony hamilton.
its raining. there are 3 more days until my 20th bday.
by now i expected to be "wifed" up with a guy who has my undivided attention.
& im not. there air is going on and off (set to auto) in my apartment.
listening to that the rain and this music is keeping me calm.
for a second i was going insane about this one guy who left my house 50 days ago.
& yes that makes me sound a little crazy, however i only know because now he is
incarcerated 45 minutes away from me.
sitting here wondering why he hasn't called or text since the day he left,
comes to find out he was arrested moments after leaving my house.
he's been looking to get in some kind of contact with me.
the drug of joy ran through my blood stream.
"sometimes in life you run across a love unknown without a reason it seems like you belong" - anthony hamilton.
the rain has stopped.
the air is off.
the music is still playing.
and im sitting in bed alone.
i just want him back, i have a strong feeling he is my other half.
so, i have 5 more months left until i am done with school.
im anxiously waiting for the day to come and a teacher tells me how many hours i have left.
hours that will be completed in a day or two. uggh.
the great feeling of accomplishing yet another task that someone strongly doubted me on.
you want to know a funny thing?
so i have this ex that i once dated in highschool..
not that many years ago lol.
i express to him what i was thinking were my true and final feelings
and you know what he does?
tells me hes not worth my tears.
probably because his heart was somewhere else.
not because he ever done me wrong or was pathetic.
because none of those describe him.
kind of hurts to know that the person you have these types of feelings for
dont have them in return. idk what to think, say, or how to feel about that.
im so lost and confused., but i cant help nor control another persons emotions.
its only right that i learn to let him go.
& i have because im waiting patiently on who i believe is my other half.
& while doing so, i cant let my past get in the way of my possible future.
just my feelings im updating you all on.
hope you enjoyed me sharing my story with you all.
(post updated pics in a few.)
Jul 28, 2009
HEYYY EVERYONE, THIS IS JUST AN UPDATE ..
I KNOW IVE BEEN GONE FOR QUITE SOMETIME ..
DIDNT MEAN TO KEEP YOU ALL WAITING ..
ANYWHO, LETS SEE WHATS NEW ..
PAST MY FRESHMAN FINAL EXIT EXAM I AM NOT A SENIOR IN COSMETOLOGY
WHICH MEANS IM CLOSER TO GRADUATING YAYY ME!
HM, ... NEW HAIR STYLE LIKE EVERYWEEK, WELL THATS NOTHING NEW
BASICALLY NOTHING IS NEW LOL.. SCHOOL HOME OUT SCHOOL AND SO ON ..
YEA I MET THIS KID NAMED HOLLYWOOD..
HM, BASICALLY BOMB.
WELL, THERE WILL OF COURSE BE MORE POST FOR NOW ON ...
LETS DO THIS AGAIN SOMETIME,
HEY SINCE IVE BEEN GONE SO LONG HOW ABOUT YALL TELL ME WHAT IVE BEEN MISSING
WHATS THE LATEST ON YOU? :)
Posted by JAYFENDii at 4:31 PM
Jun 20, 2009
Its been a while since I last posted.. Been going through some things & the break was much needed.
Have yu ever been addicted to something with no taste no sound no smell just a soft strong structured feeling just features that would blow you away? Have yu ever been in a room with a person & every time yu make eye contact yu giggle have yu ever felt that liddle tingley feeling inside when being around someone yu halfway knw but knw somehow yu have the most feelings for.. Have yu ever wondered what it is that cause a person to fall for another even when they half way knw each other.. Is that what "love at first site" means?..
Schools been good lately there are 3 or 2 more weeks until I'm out on the floor working with clients & giving my cards out to possibly new clients.. I kant wait! Everything is just falling into place & I knw this is happening bc I have 3 angels watching over me!
For a second I almost got to the point of no return.. Just kept kuttin & kuttin until the pain went away & when I awoke from a dream I often wished were true the pain disappeared.
Ps: updated look koming soon!
Posted by JAYFENDii at 11:29 PM