Oct 10, 2009

let these thoughts bleed.

i've been writing for a minute now & it never seems like i could ever run out of the things to write about. i've been feeling for a minute now & it never seems like i could ever run out feelings & emotions to hurt from. i've been thinking & it never seems like i could ever run out of thoughts. i've been pumping this blood through my veins for a minute now & it never seems like i could ever run out of this blood that runs through my veins no matter how many times i've bled. i've been making mistakes for a minute now & it never seems like there won't ever be another one made. so this time, let's pretend the world is my mother and i have fallen. please, please just let me bleed my words, feelings, thoughts, & mistakes so i can heel on my own & on my own time.

where do i start? the beginning or the end? it all never makes sense no matter what point you start from. i just know i want it out and off of my chest. there are so many things that go on in my world, my life, that no one knows about. you know they say the best secrets are kept in books. you put a book down & the only way to know what's going on in the world of those pages are by picking it up and reading it. yet, no one ever has the "time" or "patience" to do so. this is my book. these are my secrets.

i've been in love & i think im almost sure its hurting to admit this. at the moment i have tears washing the skin on my face. for something to hurt it sure is cleansing. it feels good and hurts at the same time. idk what to think honestly, im soo lost right now. anyhow i would consider myself a strong minded person when it comes to falling for a person and opening up and letting them in my world. a lot of people can claim they know me but it's only one who can really say he knows me & can tell me anything and i can & will believe it. for some reason im continuously thinking of this person and seeing from a distance what goes on in his world from a distance.. what to do about this but try and forget and let go.. but how when there's no one who i feel can make me feel the happiness he gives to me. it's a gift almost when im around him.. it's like the morning the snow first falls and a childs first snow angel. it's special. it's rare. it's once in a life time for me. love isn't promised to no one but when it comes hold on to it for dear life. im such a rock its crazy i can't break down for or over no one i can't feel for no one but myself but when the tears wash his face like they do mine it's almost as if they do for me too. idk if that makes any sense but thats the best way i can explain it. im doing my best to let go and move on but its hard when you've never had or is rare to have. does anyone else understand..

just let me fall
just let me bleed
just let me learn.

love life.
love you.