Just One of Them Days..

Jdub: Yup u definitely will.... u already have an artistic eye and u a hustla...plus u can do all thru Christ who strengthens u
Jdub: Ya diggs?
ms FENDi BBy: yeah
ms FENDi BBy: i feel where ya comin from
ms FENDi BBy: but things is hard besides my sister and all the other haters not supporting me
ms FENDi BBy: im having guy issues
ms FENDi BBy: and once again it's jaemae alone and single on vday no cards no movie no cute bear nothing i know furshur it will be that way because the guy i like is in asia
ms FENDi BBy: and on top of that idk where we stand as far as relationship wise
Jdub: Remember haters and adversity always make u stronger.... always stay in the race and keep the pace never do too much at 1ce
ms FENDi BBy: but my ex hit me like yu better have somethin for me on vday and im like yur the ex boo i dnt want to get yu nothin
Jdub: Asia?
Jdub: I feel
ms FENDi BBy: yea the country
Jdub: The ex is trippin
ms FENDi BBy: highkey too!

Jdub: Well don't trip about vday
Jdub: I got one but I don't feel loved you kno
ms FENDi BBy: yea i feel
Jdub: I wanna feel warm and gushy and shit inside
Jdub: And right now im feeling cold
ms FENDi BBy: but still it's another year added on to ALL the other years of me being by myself ..
ms FENDi BBy: yeah me too and i dont think i like it
Jdub: And I think that worst than not havin 1
Jdub: But you kno u lucky to have them years to yaself.... it refines you.... makes you independent emotionally
ms FENDi BBy: yea but then when i get around a guy that im really into i have a high time guard up

ms FENDi BBy: and it's hard
ms FENDi BBy: i never know when to say what im feelin or thinkin
ms FENDi BBy: always think im movin to fast with my emotions
ms FENDi BBy: and to slow with my actions
ms FENDi BBy: shit be haven me all types of confused
Jdub: The best thing to do and its easier said than done but with everything *** men included is that you must take 1 day at a time you kno
Jdub: If you got one foot in tuesday another in thrusday ull piss all over wednesday
Jdub: Im slowly but surely learning that
ms FENDi BBy: never looked at it like that

Jdub: Yea.... its life you know.... there's a few rules that kinda apply to everything
ms FENDi BBy: well i mean
ms FENDi BBy: idk
ms FENDi BBy: this thing has me all like in my mind
ms FENDi BBy: that im just not worth anything
ms FENDi BBy: must not be
ms FENDi BBy: because every year
ms FENDi BBy: its the same lonelyness feeling inside and outside
ms FENDi BBy: i've NEVVVVER in my life had a valentine
ms FENDi BBy: never
ms FENDi BBy: and it's not fair to me
Jdub: I feel but take me for example I feel that way with sum1
Jdub: Ya kno
Jdub: You can do bad all by yaself
Jdub: Everything under the sky happens for a reason therefore this is for a reason
ms FENDi BBy: yeah i guess
ms FENDi BBy: idk
Jdub: All this alone time is to prepare you for your mate and to first and foremost to get to kno ms. Jacinda thru-n-thru
ms FENDi BBy: shit don't ever go right for me.. it kant win for losin i swear it's always a grey cloud over my shadow

Jdub:To love yaself
ms FENDi BBy: i kant even do that much
ms FENDi BBy: im tellin yu
Jdub: Can't fully love some1 till you love yaself fully
Jdub: I feel like that too if it aint one thing its another
ms FENDi BBy: theres no winin for losin in my life never been
ms FENDi BBy: i dnt feel cute
ms FENDi BBy: ppl keep tellin me im krazie skinny
ms FENDi BBy: i need to gain weight
ms FENDi BBy: they just keep tellin me all the bad
ms FENDi BBy: all the exterior
ms FENDi BBy: and intern thats messin up my interior
Jdub: But still I know and I assure myself that trials only come to make you strong you kno? I feel like thru out all the shit I've been thru something big gotta come my way
Jdub: And the same applies to you
Jdub: I feel
Jdub: U got be the gansta I kno you to be and shake them off
Jdub: People don't validate us.... if the did well be in someones grave
ms FENDi BBy: everything yur sayin makes sense.. it's just idk theres always an obsticle before a succez but i feel in my world theres just always the obsticle and nothing else thats it dead end

Jdub: Your are beautiful girl hacienda who millions wish tell could be in your shoes
ms FENDi BBy: thanks for the comp
Jdub: You kno the phrase everything worth havin is worth working for... I see it as a back up in success.... your promised everything which is owed to you....just not in your time....because if you got everything you feel your owed do you feel you'll sincerely appreciate itz,?
ms FENDi BBy: no, i guess not. its always better to work for something and then when it's earned feel the true appreciation for it

Jdub: And then evaluate yourself..... ask yourself what am I doin wrong... and am I truly grateful for the countles blessings I have thus far??
ms FENDi BBy: no, i honestly appreciate everything good and bad thats happened for me wether it was a lesson learned for a bad choice or it was a liddle blessing
Jdub: Not to get all biblical and ish but these sayings is soo true... the bible say be good stewart over the things I have bless you with so far and then ill make you ruler over many...
ms FENDi BBy: uggghh im drowin in tears and idk if its because everything yu say is right or just because of everything in all

ms FENDi BBy: i need to go to church seriously because i have all these questions
ms FENDi BBy: and im looking for answers
Jdub: one thing I know that God love is a giver with a cheerful heart
Jdub: Give time...love... you
Jdub: You are what's priceless... worth more than anything in this world... that is important because God honor sacrifice
ms FENDi BBy: sometimes i feel worthless though
ms FENDi BBy: like
ms FENDi BBy: idk
ms FENDi BBy: im not worth any guys time

ms FENDi BBy: im not worth anything
ms FENDi BBy: no emotion no feelings no truth no anything
Jdub: And when I said be grateful I meant never complain because it can all be worst.... its always good to not complain
Jdub: Well first of all men aren't all they crack up to be u and I both kno that
Jdub: Look past the men
ms FENDi BBy: i feel, i just only wish things were a liddle better in a noncomplaining way
ms FENDi BBy: yea thats true to
Jdub: Let me ask you something seriously... u miss ya dad? Or do you have complete closure?
ms FENDi BBy: i miss him but im so confused on if im allowed to miss him seeing that he was there when i was a born up until the age of 1 or 2 and then found me when i was 14 and left me he just left me so am i allowed to miss him

Jdub: Yea ur allowed but I think that's the root to one of ya issues
Jdub: How ya relationship with g-ma
ms FENDi BBy: i speak when i call her havent seen her sense his funeral

Jdub: Ya mom?
ms FENDi BBy: the same, like .. i dnt have a mother daughter relationship.. we dnt talk about guys and whatnot its not right to me feels like she's not my mom really for me to speak on things like that with her
Jdub: Well that what it is you don't feel validated by the people you hold the closest to ya heart
ms FENDi BBy: and what do yu mean by that

Jdub: I mean you can't get love from grandma or at least the type you want...and you can't get it from ya pops cuz he passed on...
Jdub: Your hunger for love
Jdub: But now its up to you to love yaself
ms FENDi BBy: i dnt knw how

ms FENDi BBy: at least if i do im not sure that i do
Jdub: Well u gotta step out on faith and try
Jdub: Get to kno jae
Jdub: The real one
Jdub: All atl, hollywood, and bev hills aside
Jdub: And know the inner makings of you
Jdub: Like my bf he sweet in his own way but he told me that I must first get in touch with myself before I can love him
ms FENDi BBy: i guess bc im so quick to want to love someone else i nvr took the time to love me

Jdub: Slow down you have the rest of ya life to love someone else but you got growin to do ya kno...I believe 1 never is fully grown till they love and kno yaself
ms FENDi BBy: true.

Jdub: Jae u kno I see u like fam and im here anytime u need me
ms FENDi BBy: yea i knw i really appreciate everything yuve ever said to me
ms FENDi BBy: thats helped me mentally



i full appreciate the words that where shared with me.. i honestly needed it .. because i was having just one of them days... (monica)... and i seriously didn't want to take it out on anyone so i waited until the end of the day where i sit and reflect and thought instead of taking it out to talk about it and see if there was any advice out there for me.. i always go to him* when i need some words of wisdom a quick laugh or just an ear.. thanks boo!